I am the daughter of a recovering alcoholic. I am the granddaughter of a man who died from this disease. For this reason, I avoided consumption of alcohol until around my mid-twenties. Now in my mid-thirties, I’m questioning where my daily intake of wine puts me? Am I an alcoholic too?
My drinking started around the time I began dating my husband. My tolerance was nil and my intake was limited to dinners out. I remember the first bottle of White Zinfandel I bought for myself. It took me a week to drink it.
Here I sit, ten years later. My wine intake begins daily around 4:00 PM. I look forward to this time, sometimes from the time that I wake up. I drink at least two glasses of wine every evening. At least one time a week I would have enough wine to be “drunk,” though not even my husband would be able to determine this. I often feel guilty about this but always easily justified it. I am an educated spouse of a physician and stay-at-home mother to toddler twins and a 7-year old. What woman wouldn’t enjoy a few glasses of wine to “unwined?” Social media only helped me to further support my alcohol intake, as the comics circulating social media sites about motherhood and alcohol are many. I couldn’t be the only one doing this, right?
Since January 2, 2014, I have stopped drinking alcohol. It has been one week and I am anxious, irritable, and can’t stop thinking about that glass of wine. The more I am distracted, the easier it is to go beyond that 4:00 PM mark and move forward. The days I fall into my old routine, the harder it is to do. I could so easily justify that it’s been a week, what would one glass of wine do? Problem is, I can see this is a slippery slope and I am not at the top of this hill.
I am a strong person, but I am feeling a flood of emotions each day, as wine has taken control over my life. How could I have let this happen? I’ve heard the stories of my father’s struggle and how this took my grandfather’s life. How and when did I lose control?
Though I am afraid of how I will handle many situations in my life without alcohol (social events, vacations, dinners out, etc), I’m now more afraid of who I will become if I continue to drink. I’m not a person who is very good at moderation and thus have little faith in my ability to drink moderately. This leaves me with the decision to quit. One day at a time I will struggle to get through this … and I mean ONE day at a time.
“I can do all things, through Christ who strengthens me.”