I am not a marriage counselor. I am a registered dietitian by training and I certainly know that food is no substitute for therapy. I am, however, married and have been so for nearly 10-years. We are happy, but we are not normal.
My husband is a physician and works many hours caring for his patients. For anyone familiar with “medical marriages,” they naturally come with a certain family and marital imbalance. We’ve adjusted to this, though not without bumps that have required time and a deeper understanding of one another. He respects and appreciates me for all that I do for him and for our children, and I love and respect him for the work he does for so many in need of his gifts.
There are sacrifices we both make. I have put my personal career on hold to provide stability, consistency, and rhythm for my family. It’s important for me to create a safe and loving home for him (and our children) to come to after being in the chaos of the world all day. Let me tell you, that can be a boring and monotonous routine. He often misses the children’s milestones; their first steps, first words, or the loss of their first teeth. He may or may not be home to tuck them into bed at night. Our children understand that we are working as a team. It’s dysfunctional, but it’s our normal.
I believe in marriage, but the idea of a perfect marriage is a facade. We both knew and understood that going in. We also knew ourselves well. That being said, life throws many curve balls that can knock one or both people completely off path. It takes lot of listening, patience, respect, understanding, love and commitment to continue on the marital pathway together.
One thing that I am certain of is that life and people are not stagnant. Changes will happen in your spouse or partner and in yourself throughout your marital union. This is not a bad thing! It means that growth is happening, so embrace it together, even if it seems dysfunctional. There will be a new normalcy that will return to your marriage… and “bliss” will continue.